how much is too much?

Some people are private, choosing not to bare all about themselves or revealing confidences. Others thrive on sharing personal information, sometimes the most intimate facts, and have no problem divulging information that has been entrusted to them.

i once had a friend who would regularly tell me the most intimate details of her sex life with her now ex-husband. i was uncomfortable hearing this, but never said anything to her because, of course, i didn't know what to say.

What do you say to stop someone from saying too much?

Not again!!??

Yup - just found out another person I know has been diagnosed with breast cancer. Another incredibly fit and healthy woman. I called her immediately, but again as the phone was ringing I was thinking 'what do you say?' She answered before I could clearly formulate my thoughts.

"I just heard about your breast cancer," I said. "I want you to know that I know and that I am thinking about you."

Although it was news to me, she had already had surgery to remove her breasts. I asked how she was feeling. We talked about some of the decisions she had to make and the difficulty she was having making them. I told her about my friend Diana who had breast cancer a few years ago and undertook extensive research in order to clearly understand her options. Diana (who has fully recovered) has since become actively involved in breast cancer prevention and is an incredible source of information, comfort and optimism. I gave her Diana's phone number and encouraged her to use it. I hope she does.

Did I say the right thing? I certainly hope so. Did I do the right thing? Absolutely!

did i say the right thing?

What an awful month August has been. My friend Rhoda was diagnosed with breast cancer. Her surgery is scheduled for the beginning of September. Out of the blue, my friend Pat’s husband of 28 years told her he didn’t love her anymore and he wanted a divorce. She was devastated. My friend Margie had heart surgery. Fortunately, the procedure went well and she is already out and about and leading a fairly normal life.

So, here I was faced with 3 different situations in which I wanted just the right comforting words or gestures that expressed the compassion and encouragement that I felt in my heart.

I thought about what people have said who have been through trauma and how meaningful it can be to just know that someone cares. I remembered Cindi’s comment on this blog about how people avoided her friend with terminal cancer because they were uncomfortable and didn’t know what to say.

I hugged Rhoda and listened. I call Pat regularly and listen. I try to make Margie laugh. I hope I’ve said and done the right thing.

what do you say - being called the wrong name

My name is Benita. Not Bonita, Bernita, Brenda, Belinda, Bettina, Breanna or Barbara……BUT…..those are the names that I have been called my entire life. I don’t know if people don’t listen or they just hear what is familiar to them. I say ‘Benita’, they call me ‘Bonita.’ I sign emails or letters ‘Benita’…. I get replies to ‘Bonita.’

The problem is - I never correct them. I don’t want to embarrass them or make them feel uncomfortable. It is awkward for me to set them right, so I say nothing.

What about people who feel entitled to give you nicknames? My son’s name is Alexander. He is called Alex all the time. You introduce yourself as Debra…they call you Debbie.

What do you say to politely tell someone they have called you the wrong name?

what do you say - forgetting someone's name

This has happened to me more often than I would like to admit. I have taken different approaches, depending on my reading of the situation. Generally, I tend to adopt the "honesty is the best policy" approach. I might say something along the lines of “…do you believe I can’t remember your name?!” In other circumstances, I have refocused the conversation to allow the two persons to take over – along the lines of “… have the two of you had the opportunity to introduce yourselves?” I expect that as we age we will face these dilemmas more frequently.

from Elissa

Find a Way to Always Say the Right Thing in Any Situation - from Wikihow

How to Find a Way to Always Say the Right Thing in Any Situation

Have you been saying things you really shouldn't say lately? Well, get control of your actions by reading this article.

Steps

1. When you get annoyed with someone.. what do you think you should do? What have you done in the past to someone who got on your last nerves? Well, it depends. Let's say your grandmother was visiting you. So, she got on your nerves maybe once or twice. The smart thing to do is just hold it in for a little while, and then when she leaves, be grateful that whatever you got mad about.. has stopped. If it was your aunt who let's say, lives with you and she kept treating you like trash.. you should politely and calmly say something nice like this, "I need to talk to you about something. I haven't been liking the way you have been treating me for a while now. I think you should treat me a little more respectfully." If you attack her, she will shut down completely, and the chances of having a better relationship with her is over. That is why you have to think twice, or use your common sense before you say something.
   
2. When your friend is being very rude with you. We all have had the "mean" friend. We have also messed up and made a mistake with that friend. Well now, you can do the right thing and not mess up. Lets say your friend called you a mean name and said "I am just joking with you." Well, they aren't using their common sense, or they just wanted to say something mean and get away with it. Right then and there defend yourself. Don't watch grass grow, say something like this, "I know you were joking, but that hurt my feelings and I really would like it if you wouldn't joke around like that with me." Then you are giving the signal that you are hurt, and kind of offended.
   
3. When your parents or anybody has a very uncomfortable talk with you. There will come a time when somebody tries to talk to you maybe about growing up or dating. I know it can be very uncomfortable, especially with a parent, and most of us blush and try to escape this conversation. We will have questions and sometimes we might be too uncomfortable to even say it. Well, you should always say questions or concerns, but put it in words that will make you less uncomfortable.
   

Tips

• If you hide away from speaking up to somebody, they will just keep doing it for as long as they can. It is important to speak up.. but try to find the best way to say it.
  
• Do not cry if a bully or someone insults you. The best thing to do is actually to ignore them. That is giving them no satisfaction of bothering you, so they will usually quit before you know it. If they don't quit and keep bothering you, talk to a teacher, guidence counselor, volunteer, or even a friend.
  
• Sometimes, people will call you names and send rude messages by texting, talking, or anything. Don't respond. Leave it at that. If they want to be mean that is their problem.
  

Warnings

• If you have nothing nice to say, even if it is a "good comeback", don't say anything. That is just being very mean.
  

Related wikiHows

• How to Defend Your Innocence
  
• How to Speak Nicely on the Phone
  
• How to Talk to Parents So They'll Understand
  

Article provided by wikiHow, a collaborative writing project to build the world's largest, highest quality how-to manual. Please edit this article and find author credits at the original wikiHow article on How to Find a Way to Always Say the Right Thing in Any Situation. All content on wikiHow can be shared under a Creative Commons license.