Not again!!??

Yup - just found out another person I know has been diagnosed with breast cancer. Another incredibly fit and healthy woman. I called her immediately, but again as the phone was ringing I was thinking 'what do you say?' She answered before I could clearly formulate my thoughts.

"I just heard about your breast cancer," I said. "I want you to know that I know and that I am thinking about you."

Although it was news to me, she had already had surgery to remove her breasts. I asked how she was feeling. We talked about some of the decisions she had to make and the difficulty she was having making them. I told her about my friend Diana who had breast cancer a few years ago and undertook extensive research in order to clearly understand her options. Diana (who has fully recovered) has since become actively involved in breast cancer prevention and is an incredible source of information, comfort and optimism. I gave her Diana's phone number and encouraged her to use it. I hope she does.

Did I say the right thing? I certainly hope so. Did I do the right thing? Absolutely!

In the October 2008 edition of Homemakers Magazine, Blair Lancaster, the executive director of Breast Cancer Support Services in Burlington, Ontario offered this advice on what to say to a friend with breast cancer:

• Listen: do not interrupt when she is telling you her story; let her cry if she needs to; give her a hug.
• There really is not much to say except that you are sorry this has happened to her. Tell her as well, that you are there to help support her through it.
  
• Don’t say, “what can I do to help?” Instead, offer something tangible such as, “I’m going to come over and do your laundry.” Or, “I’m available to babysit or drive the kids to school.”
• Don’t say, “I have read about this great cancer treatment and think you should try it.”
• Be open and realistic about what you can and can’t do.
• Never underestimate the effect of random encouraging cards.

Your friend is dating/marrying a guy you really don't like. What do you say?

Readers advice:

• You say very little, until she dumps him. Then, when she tells you that he is a jerk, you agree and tell her that she was too good for him. If you tell her that while they are dating, you risk losing a friend. You don't want to lie, but sometimes it is best to not say how you are really feeling.
  
  
• SAY NOTHING!! I have been in this situation and as difficult as it has been, I have kept my mouth shut. In both cases I stayed close to my friends so that I could help when the marriage broke down (which it did).
  
  
• .....Are you sure about this one??!!