when friends divorce

Friends of mine are getting divorced. It is a messy, angry, bitter, hostile, greedy situation. It feels awful watching them disintegrate. i like them both. I am trying to not take sides...I would like to remain friendly with both of them. Yesterday, she told me that I cannot stay neutral. I must choose between them. I'm not sure I can do that. Am I wrong? What can I say to make her understand?

did i say the right thing?

What an awful month August has been. My friend Rhoda was diagnosed with breast cancer. Her surgery is scheduled for the beginning of September. Out of the blue, my friend Pat’s husband of 28 years told her he didn’t love her anymore and he wanted a divorce. She was devastated. My friend Margie had heart surgery. Fortunately, the procedure went well and she is already out and about and leading a fairly normal life.

So, here I was faced with 3 different situations in which I wanted just the right comforting words or gestures that expressed the compassion and encouragement that I felt in my heart.

I thought about what people have said who have been through trauma and how meaningful it can be to just know that someone cares. I remembered Cindi’s comment on this blog about how people avoided her friend with terminal cancer because they were uncomfortable and didn’t know what to say.

I hugged Rhoda and listened. I call Pat regularly and listen. I try to make Margie laugh. I hope I’ve said and done the right thing.

what do you say - before major surgery

My friend Margie had heart surgery last week and I went to visit her the day before the procedure. Another friend was just leaving and said, “Good luck tomorrow.” That struck me as an unusual thing to say. Luck should have nothing to do with medicine.

But then I wondered, what is the right thing to say to someone heading into major surgery?

I don't know what to say

Linda and I were having coffee the other day, chatting about nothing in particular, when she burst into tears. “I have just been diagnosed with breast cancer,” she said. Taken by surprise, I hugged her and mumbled something that I hoped was meaningful. I felt ashamed that I could not say something more appropriate.

We are regularly faced with circumstances – sad, awkward, surprising, complex – and we just don’t know how to respond. Your friend is diagnosed with a serious illness. Your colleague is mourning the loss of someone close. Your sister is separating from her husband. What do you say? What comforting words or gestures will express the concern and empathy that you feel in your heart?

When someone we care about is hurting, our compassion compels us to reach out. Words can have a profound impact. They can reassure. They can console. They can comfort. They can raise spirits. They can make a difference.

But what are those words? Who hasn’t searched for the phrase that perfectly expresses our feelings, and ended up settling for ‘I don’t know what to say.’

What is the right thing to say? Do you have some special words that work for you? Has anyone ever said something to you in a time of crisis that was meaningful?

I am hoping that people will share their stories and advice on how to respond in troubled times.

Find a Way to Always Say the Right Thing in Any Situation - from Wikihow

How to Find a Way to Always Say the Right Thing in Any Situation

Have you been saying things you really shouldn't say lately? Well, get control of your actions by reading this article.

Steps

1. When you get annoyed with someone.. what do you think you should do? What have you done in the past to someone who got on your last nerves? Well, it depends. Let's say your grandmother was visiting you. So, she got on your nerves maybe once or twice. The smart thing to do is just hold it in for a little while, and then when she leaves, be grateful that whatever you got mad about.. has stopped. If it was your aunt who let's say, lives with you and she kept treating you like trash.. you should politely and calmly say something nice like this, "I need to talk to you about something. I haven't been liking the way you have been treating me for a while now. I think you should treat me a little more respectfully." If you attack her, she will shut down completely, and the chances of having a better relationship with her is over. That is why you have to think twice, or use your common sense before you say something.
   
2. When your friend is being very rude with you. We all have had the "mean" friend. We have also messed up and made a mistake with that friend. Well now, you can do the right thing and not mess up. Lets say your friend called you a mean name and said "I am just joking with you." Well, they aren't using their common sense, or they just wanted to say something mean and get away with it. Right then and there defend yourself. Don't watch grass grow, say something like this, "I know you were joking, but that hurt my feelings and I really would like it if you wouldn't joke around like that with me." Then you are giving the signal that you are hurt, and kind of offended.
   
3. When your parents or anybody has a very uncomfortable talk with you. There will come a time when somebody tries to talk to you maybe about growing up or dating. I know it can be very uncomfortable, especially with a parent, and most of us blush and try to escape this conversation. We will have questions and sometimes we might be too uncomfortable to even say it. Well, you should always say questions or concerns, but put it in words that will make you less uncomfortable.
   

Tips

• If you hide away from speaking up to somebody, they will just keep doing it for as long as they can. It is important to speak up.. but try to find the best way to say it.
  
• Do not cry if a bully or someone insults you. The best thing to do is actually to ignore them. That is giving them no satisfaction of bothering you, so they will usually quit before you know it. If they don't quit and keep bothering you, talk to a teacher, guidence counselor, volunteer, or even a friend.
  
• Sometimes, people will call you names and send rude messages by texting, talking, or anything. Don't respond. Leave it at that. If they want to be mean that is their problem.
  

Warnings

• If you have nothing nice to say, even if it is a "good comeback", don't say anything. That is just being very mean.
  

Related wikiHows

• How to Defend Your Innocence
  
• How to Speak Nicely on the Phone
  
• How to Talk to Parents So They'll Understand
  

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